[He grimaces. He knew he shouldn't have said anything. Hasn't that been a conviction of his own subconscious? That nobody can know? He shoud have heeded. Now Ryunosuke will just demand answers that he has no ability to give.
(He has no idea of the real reason for Ryunosuke's distress, of course.)]
It doesn't matter. It's just another thing I've forgotten about.
[And that really is the only answer Kazuma has to give him.]
[Kazuma eyes Ryunosuke warily for a moment, nonplussed by his question. His first thought is How did he know? And then, all of a sudden, it clicks:
They must have talked about it before whatever happened to make him lose his memory.
For the first time, the doubt fully falls away. There is truly no chance that he and Ryunosuke's friend could be two different people--not with this many coincidences piling up. He already knew that, really, but this is the first time the implications truly hit home--if Ryunosuke knows him, then he could have answers.
Answers like this one. Answers to the question that has been plaguing him ever since he first woke up with nothing to call his own except a drive.]
Do you know what it is?
[He's surging forward to grab Ryunosuke by the arms, hold him in place, before he even realizes what he's doing. The only thing he can think about is how desperately he needs to hear this right now.]
[Since the night they'd met in that first alleyway, Ryunosuke has been doing his own dance of logic around the masked man's identity, walking a thin line between caution and hope.
Deep, down he'd known right from the start: despite everything he'd been told of Kazuma's demise upon the Burya, this masked amnesiac had to be him. There was no mistaking it. But after all the grieving, after living his life for the last nine months and growing to accept that Kazuma was gone, Ryunosuke was afraid to listen to what his gut was telling him then. Out of fear that he was deluding himself, that he was conjuring phantoms out of desperation, that he might trick himself into having to face his friend's death a second time... He couldn't embrace the truth.
Not without seeing his face. Not without hearing affirmation from the man himself. Until there was no room for doubt, until he was guaranteed not to be hurt, to not have to mourn all over again, he'd remain skeptical. He wouldn't permit himself to believe based on feeling alone. He'd need hard proof. And so instead of wielding logic like a torch to light his steps forward, he'd cloaked himself in it like armor.
Now the masked man lunges forward to grab him, and where most people would startle from the sudden aggression, Ryunosuke stays put. It's not an act of defiance or courage; it's a total lack of fear. Something clicks between them in that moment, a wordless understanding. Ryunosuke stares into the eyes behind the mask, his own eyes growing misty with emotion.]
So it really is you, isn't it... My dearest friend...
[He's quite aware that he was just asked a question and the other man is very impatiently, very intensely waiting on an answer to, but. He's overcome. He almost feels foolish, actually... Hadn't he learned by now to trust his gut on these things?]
[Kazuma wants to scream when the first thing out of Ryunosuke's mouth is not an answer to his question.
A vicious, cruel part of him wants to finally impress on this man just how little he actually cares about this. Even if he might be the same physical body, he is not Ryunosuke's friend. His memories, his identity, his life are gone. Ultimately, this reunion means nothing to him; Ryunosuke, and their supposed friendship, mean nothing to him.
But this means something. Nine months of hell and the answer he's been looking for could be right here.
He gives Ryunosuke a sudden, rough shake to try and derail his line of thinking, remind him they are already having a conversation that matters much more than this one.]
Naruhodo. Please.
[Ordinarily he'd be ashamed to hear the naked desperation in his own voice, the crack in the words. Now, though, it hardly even registers as he searches Ryunosuke's face like he can find the answer there, if not in the man's words.]
[Ryunosuke is so caught up in the euphoria of finding out that his best friend is alive that, for like ten seconds, he's straight up living in a world where amnesia doesn't exist.
...And then Kazuma shakes him right out of that moment of emotional catharsis.
Of course this reunion wouldn't mean anything to him. He has no memories! Not of Ryunosuke, or Susato, or anything else. Just brushing up against that realization causes a dull ache to bloom in Ryunosuke's chest, but he compartmentalizes and shoves that pang aside to work through later. Right now, the desperation in his friend's voice is actually the priority, and it's the first thing to really frighten him. He's never heard Kazuma sound this distressed before...
In response to being shaken, Ryunosuke blinks rapidly, braces his posture, and gingerly maneuvers his hands to try and get a light grip on the other man's forearms. It's not a vice grip or anything too severe, just... A firm touch with a light squeeze, his expression clearly concerned. It's meant to be grounding and supportive, because Ryu already knows he's not going to like the answer he has to give.]
It pains me to have to tell you this, truly, but... No, you didn't. You told me that you had something important to do once we were in Britain, and you hoped I would help you see it through when the time came. I assume you would have apprised me of more details eventually, but--
[Unbidden, the image of the tape outline, sprawled across their cabin floor, flashes before his mind's eye.]
...You must have sustained some kind of severe head trauma... But I was told you died.
[There's another complex look on his face as he says the last word, relief that this turned out not to be true mingling with immense betrayal, knowing now for certain that he and Susato were lied to in a very major way.]
[As Ryunosuke's words sink in, the manic energy drains out of him until his arms are more or less hanging limp in Ryunosuke's hands.
It... shouldn't make much of a difference. He's still in the same place he was five minutes ago, with the same prospects. There was never a guarantee that Ryunosuke knew anything, so he doesn't lose anything to have it confirmed. Nothing has changed.
But it still hurts, he realizes, to hope flare so briefly only to be smothered the next instant. It hurts more than he expected, actually, and he has to take a moment to compose himself--he closes his eyes, swallows, takes a long, shaky breath.]
I see.
[It hurts, also, because a part of him had been hoping Ryunosuke might have been someone who had truly known him. Someone he had trusted enough to bare his deepest secret. But if he never told Ryunosuke, he's sure he never told anybody.
And that's a very cold reality all on its own.
If Ryunosuke lets him, he'll withdraw his arms to cross them behind his back.]
[This at least distracts him momentarily from his slowly dawning upset regarding Mr. Sholmes. Ryunosuke watches Kazuma, his heart sinking with sympathy and frustration alike. Even if he had his eyes closed he would still be able to feel the man's disappointment, the way the energy just saps right out of him, his limbs going limp in Ryunosuke's hold.
...He lets go and allows Kazuma to take his arms back, albeit with some mild reluctance. With nothing left to hang on to, his own hands drop back to their usual resting positions; one limp at his side, the other back to Karuma.
He shakes his head sadly.]
No, I'm sorry... For giving you false hope. I promise it wasn't my intention, but...
[The incredible joy and relief of discovering his best friend alive is all but faded now, as the true complexity of the situation starting to take root. He sighs, casting his gaze to one side. Absentmindedly, he strokes Karuma, thumb lightly tracing along the twisting pattern of the tsuka-ito.]
I doubt this is any consolation, but... It has been eating at me for some time as well. Wondering just what it was you intended to do here. No one had the slightest idea... Susato-san wasn't aware you even had any goals to carry out here, beyond the study tour. I... I tried to carry on in your place, to see your wishes fulfilled. I wanted to honor your memory by doing at least that much... But without a single clue as to what your intentions were, I couldn't...
[Ryunosuke's words wash over and through him like water, barely registering.]
None of that means anything to me.
[As soon as the words are out of his mouth he regrets them. They sound frustrated and petulant, and more importantly it's clear Ryunosuke is trying to comfort him by them, and it's cruel of him to dismiss that just because he's upset. He'd obviously thought of this Kazuma very highly and took his death very hard, and this can't be easy for him to deal with either. They must have been close, and he imagines being confronted with a drifting, purposeless ghost in Kazuma's place must be disappointing for Ryunosuke as well.
He just wishes hearing it had more meaning for him than mere words.]
But... thank you for trying regardless, I suppose.
[Technically he's thanking Ryunosuke on behalf of himself, but it doesn't feel like it. Would Kazuma be touched to hear this? He truly has no idea.]
[Ryunosuke's eyes flick back up to Kazuma's obscured face, silent for a moment. Then, with a sigh, he shifts, lowering himself to sit on a particularly sturdy looking exposed tree root, traveling cloak billowing out around him as he does. He gestures for Kazuma to do the same, if he wishes; he's taking charge of the situation and he has decided that standing sucks.]
Well... I haven't given up. I do wonder if, perhaps, this is something we're meant to figure out together.
[For a moment Kazuma doesn't move. Then he sits, slowly, uncertainly, on a boulder a few meters away--close enough to have a conversation, but not close enough to touch. It's not entirely out of wariness; he's feeling a bit guilty over impulsively manhandling Ryunosuke again.]
You... want to help me figure out what my mission is?
[He isn't going to ask why again, because he knows he'll only get the same answer and that he won't be able to fully accept it. If he wants Ryunosuke's aid, he'll simply have to take it as it's offered. There's a better question, anyway.]
How? I have nothing to go on. I hardly know where to begin looking.
[He tries not to take it too personally that Kazuma sits so far away. Not only is that a ridiculous thing to be hung up on, he probably wouldn't even have registered it as being odd, normally. And besides all that, it's not as if they need to be right on top of each other to have this conversation... But as Ryunosuke has to keep reminding himself that he's speaking to someone who sees him as a stranger first and foremost, the physical distance between them hits in a very strange way that he can't quite make sense of in the moment.
He sighs.]
Well... That's not really so surprising, is it? You've no context to search within because you barely know anything about yourself. And until now, you haven't had anyone available who could help you fill in the blanks in your story.
[His mind races at the proposal, and the fog of despair that descended on him when Ryunosuke admitted he knew nothing is already starting to feel a little lighter. There's very little question now that they previously knew each other--even if Ryunosuke doesn't have the particular answer Kazuma wants, he has others, and he is willing to help. More, he wants to help. That's already more resources than Kazuma had at his disposal just a few days ago.
This could be the resolution he's been searching for after all. Reluctantly, unbidden, he feels hope begin to bloom in his chest again, which is a very dangerous feeling.]
Perhaps there's a way we could piece something together. How well did you actually know me?
[Naturally, he has no idea how loaded a question that is.]
[The tense of that question doesn't slip by him. And he's not about to argue it, it makes sense to use it in this context, but. It does sure have Ryunosuke feeling some kind of way...
Is asking anyone how well they knew a person whom they're clearly still mourning ever not a loaded question? Ryunosuke just isn't fully aware of how deep that pitfall is yet. He hasn't had much need to look at his relationship with Kazuma more critically, until now... And despite the lingering mystery of the details surrounding his 'secret mission', the man's apparent 'death' had only served to vault Ryunosuke's perception of him on to an even higher pedestal than before.
So, still being under the illusion of the wholesomeness of their friendship... For the first time tonight, Ryunosuke puts on a warm, easy smile.]
Hah... Well, you're in luck in that regard. The two of us, we... We were the best of friends. Partners.
[He doesn't say it outright, but he can't disguise the hope in his words... That they might reach that point again one day. Somehow...]
[He realizes it isn't all that surprising, actually, to learn that they had been that close. His memory casts back to what Ryunosuke had said just moments ago--I tried to carry on in your place. I wanted to honor your memory. He'd mentioned another person, too--it's surreal for him to think that he truly did have a life this whole time. People who loved him and missed him for being gone. He's never known--never remembered, rather--what it's like to have those attachments.
And for Ryunosuke to have gone to the other side of the world to do it...]
You've... been doing quite a lot for me, haven't you.
[He doesn't quite know what to say in the face of that. Who was he to have inspired such a thing?]
[It's a good thing it's dark right now, because Ryunosuke can feel a slight blush creeping up his neck and over his cheeks. He's not sure why... Something about having the spotlight shined directly on his efforts is just strangely disarming to him.]
W-well I mean... Hah. I suppose so. [He fidgets bashfully.] I've just been doing what felt right...
[His demeanor sobers. He's still smiling, but the tone has shifted in some subtle way.]
Before you... 'Died...' You told me that I had the makings of a great lawyer. I brushed you off at the time, because frankly I had no intention of ever setting foot in a courtroom again if I could help it. But you... You had this dream, you see. Of reforming Japan's legal system...
[Ryunosuke trails off, feeling like he's starting to overshare a bit much. He figures Kazuma can draw whatever conclusions he likes from that information.]
[Kazuma is quiet for a moment as he digests this new information. He wanted to reform Japan's legal system, did he? That information... doesn't quite resonate with him, but he can't tell if that's because it's false or if it's just a result of his amnesia. It would certainly explain why he has retained so much knowledge of law.
Regardless of whether it's true, it's obvious how much the idea has impacted Ryunosuke.]
So you decided to see it through for me, when I wasn't able to?
[It means nothing to him, and yet... he finds himself touched nonetheless.]
That's very admirable of you to do for a friend. Even a close one. Thank you, even if... I can't appreciate it the way...
[He wants to say "he would have," but it feels strange to talk about himself as if he was a different person. Even if that's how it feels. So he just trails off.]
[There's a tension that hangs in the air at that moment-- not a tension of anger but one of uncertainty-- with Ryunosuke filling in the gaps of what Kazuma was about to say, plus the bashfulness he feels... About being thanked for something he never even felt like he had much of a choice in, at the time... Not that he resents the path in life that he's followed, it just. It doesn't feel like anything worthy of praise.]
Th-there's no need to thank me, honestly...
[And indeed, he waves the notion off.]
Anyway! Um. The point I was getting at is: whatever you want to know, you can ask me.
[Ryunosuke says it like it's so simple. Where does he even start? Truth be told, Kazuma isn't even sure he wants to know. What will he do if the information Ryunosuke gives him doesn't match the kind of person he is now? He can't be the person he was, and he has no interest in even promising to try.
All he truly wants to know about is his mission, and Ryunosuke has no idea what that is either. Even if Ryunosuke does have the information needed to figure it out, how do they find it? It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is his own memories.]
You said I wanted to reform Japan's legal system. Did I ever say why? [Maybe something happened to him to give him that desire. Maybe his mission can be found there.]
[How awkward is it, that he doesn't have an easy answer at the ready for the very first question he gets asked. Ryunosuke fidgets, twiddling his thumbs thoughtfully.]
If... If there was ever a specific catalyst for your decision in pursuing that, you never mentioned it to me. But... You were always so... I guess aware would be the word for it? You'd always chide me for not being more keyed into things; the ways in which the country was... is changing...
[While he speaks, a soft smile spreads across his face, as he thinks about all the fondly remembered debates held over lunch time hotpot.]
...You believed in the power of the people. That the government and courts should serve everyone, not just the interests of the elite. I don't think I fully understood that, why it was such a concern to you, until I wound up in the dock myself...
[He isn't sure what to make of Ryunosuke's description of him; it's like hearing about a stranger. It's bizarre to hear himself be described as someone who cared about the people when his life has been motivated by pure self-interest ever since he woke up. Would Ryunosuke judge him, be disappointed in him, if he knew the way Kazuma has been living? Social events are certainly not anything he cares about now.
All his worries are temporarily set aside, however, at Ryunosuke's last admission.]
You were in the dock? [He can't imagine someone as nonthreatening-seeming as Ryunosuke being accused of anything untoward, let alone him actually doing it.] What for?
[If it's true he used to be a law student, it's a natural thing to assume. People usually don't represent themselves in court, after all, and why else would he be involved in someone else's murder charge? It's somewhat ironic, then, that Stronghart has him training to be a prosecutor now.
He assumes he's right, so he doesn't wait for Ryunosuke to answer the question before asking another one:]
I take it I was successful, considering you're not in prison. Is that when we became friends?
[Ryunosuke opens his mouth to interject at first, but Kazuma's already steamrolling right past the point, which is... Well. IT'S TYPICAL? Some things even amnesia can't change... :/
He should probably double back and correct that. Perhaps in a minute... He's eager to answer this question too.]
No no, actually, we... We met in our first year at Yumei University. At a speech competition.
[How's he supposed to explain THAT story? Kazuma honestly told it much better. When he could still remember it, that is...]
[Kazuma may be wearing a mask, but the dubious look on his face is probably pretty obvious regardless.]
You won the speech competition but I'm the lawyer? That doesn't seem right.
[He's not exactly accusing Ryunosuke of lying, but, well... the doubt is there. Are you sure you actually beat him at a speech competition, because that sounds fake.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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(He has no idea of the real reason for Ryunosuke's distress, of course.)]
It doesn't matter. It's just another thing I've forgotten about.
[And that really is the only answer Kazuma has to give him.]
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He runs his hand over the lower half of his face for a moment, trying to recall the exact words.]
Something so important that... You'll sacrifice anything to make it happen?
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They must have talked about it before whatever happened to make him lose his memory.
For the first time, the doubt fully falls away. There is truly no chance that he and Ryunosuke's friend could be two different people--not with this many coincidences piling up. He already knew that, really, but this is the first time the implications truly hit home--if Ryunosuke knows him, then he could have answers.
Answers like this one. Answers to the question that has been plaguing him ever since he first woke up with nothing to call his own except a drive.]
Do you know what it is?
[He's surging forward to grab Ryunosuke by the arms, hold him in place, before he even realizes what he's doing. The only thing he can think about is how desperately he needs to hear this right now.]
Did I tell you what it was?
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Deep, down he'd known right from the start: despite everything he'd been told of Kazuma's demise upon the Burya, this masked amnesiac had to be him. There was no mistaking it. But after all the grieving, after living his life for the last nine months and growing to accept that Kazuma was gone, Ryunosuke was afraid to listen to what his gut was telling him then. Out of fear that he was deluding himself, that he was conjuring phantoms out of desperation, that he might trick himself into having to face his friend's death a second time... He couldn't embrace the truth.
Not without seeing his face. Not without hearing affirmation from the man himself. Until there was no room for doubt, until he was guaranteed not to be hurt, to not have to mourn all over again, he'd remain skeptical. He wouldn't permit himself to believe based on feeling alone. He'd need hard proof. And so instead of wielding logic like a torch to light his steps forward, he'd cloaked himself in it like armor.
Now the masked man lunges forward to grab him, and where most people would startle from the sudden aggression, Ryunosuke stays put. It's not an act of defiance or courage; it's a total lack of fear. Something clicks between them in that moment, a wordless understanding. Ryunosuke stares into the eyes behind the mask, his own eyes growing misty with emotion.]
So it really is you, isn't it... My dearest friend...
[He's quite aware that he was just asked a question and the other man is very impatiently, very intensely waiting on an answer to, but. He's overcome. He almost feels foolish, actually... Hadn't he learned by now to trust his gut on these things?]
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A vicious, cruel part of him wants to finally impress on this man just how little he actually cares about this. Even if he might be the same physical body, he is not Ryunosuke's friend. His memories, his identity, his life are gone. Ultimately, this reunion means nothing to him; Ryunosuke, and their supposed friendship, mean nothing to him.
But this means something. Nine months of hell and the answer he's been looking for could be right here.
He gives Ryunosuke a sudden, rough shake to try and derail his line of thinking, remind him they are already having a conversation that matters much more than this one.]
Naruhodo. Please.
[Ordinarily he'd be ashamed to hear the naked desperation in his own voice, the crack in the words. Now, though, it hardly even registers as he searches Ryunosuke's face like he can find the answer there, if not in the man's words.]
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...And then Kazuma shakes him right out of that moment of emotional catharsis.
Of course this reunion wouldn't mean anything to him. He has no memories! Not of Ryunosuke, or Susato, or anything else. Just brushing up against that realization causes a dull ache to bloom in Ryunosuke's chest, but he compartmentalizes and shoves that pang aside to work through later. Right now, the desperation in his friend's voice is actually the priority, and it's the first thing to really frighten him. He's never heard Kazuma sound this distressed before...
In response to being shaken, Ryunosuke blinks rapidly, braces his posture, and gingerly maneuvers his hands to try and get a light grip on the other man's forearms. It's not a vice grip or anything too severe, just... A firm touch with a light squeeze, his expression clearly concerned. It's meant to be grounding and supportive, because Ryu already knows he's not going to like the answer he has to give.]
It pains me to have to tell you this, truly, but... No, you didn't. You told me that you had something important to do once we were in Britain, and you hoped I would help you see it through when the time came. I assume you would have apprised me of more details eventually, but--
[Unbidden, the image of the tape outline, sprawled across their cabin floor, flashes before his mind's eye.]
...You must have sustained some kind of severe head trauma... But I was told you died.
[There's another complex look on his face as he says the last word, relief that this turned out not to be true mingling with immense betrayal, knowing now for certain that he and Susato were lied to in a very major way.]
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It... shouldn't make much of a difference. He's still in the same place he was five minutes ago, with the same prospects. There was never a guarantee that Ryunosuke knew anything, so he doesn't lose anything to have it confirmed. Nothing has changed.
But it still hurts, he realizes, to hope flare so briefly only to be smothered the next instant. It hurts more than he expected, actually, and he has to take a moment to compose himself--he closes his eyes, swallows, takes a long, shaky breath.]
I see.
[It hurts, also, because a part of him had been hoping Ryunosuke might have been someone who had truly known him. Someone he had trusted enough to bare his deepest secret. But if he never told Ryunosuke, he's sure he never told anybody.
And that's a very cold reality all on its own.
If Ryunosuke lets him, he'll withdraw his arms to cross them behind his back.]
I'm sorry for treating you so roughly.
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...He lets go and allows Kazuma to take his arms back, albeit with some mild reluctance. With nothing left to hang on to, his own hands drop back to their usual resting positions; one limp at his side, the other back to Karuma.
He shakes his head sadly.]
No, I'm sorry... For giving you false hope. I promise it wasn't my intention, but...
[The incredible joy and relief of discovering his best friend alive is all but faded now, as the true complexity of the situation starting to take root. He sighs, casting his gaze to one side. Absentmindedly, he strokes Karuma, thumb lightly tracing along the twisting pattern of the tsuka-ito.]
I doubt this is any consolation, but... It has been eating at me for some time as well. Wondering just what it was you intended to do here. No one had the slightest idea... Susato-san wasn't aware you even had any goals to carry out here, beyond the study tour. I... I tried to carry on in your place, to see your wishes fulfilled. I wanted to honor your memory by doing at least that much... But without a single clue as to what your intentions were, I couldn't...
[He trails off.]
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None of that means anything to me.
[As soon as the words are out of his mouth he regrets them. They sound frustrated and petulant, and more importantly it's clear Ryunosuke is trying to comfort him by them, and it's cruel of him to dismiss that just because he's upset. He'd obviously thought of this Kazuma very highly and took his death very hard, and this can't be easy for him to deal with either. They must have been close, and he imagines being confronted with a drifting, purposeless ghost in Kazuma's place must be disappointing for Ryunosuke as well.
He just wishes hearing it had more meaning for him than mere words.]
But... thank you for trying regardless, I suppose.
[Technically he's thanking Ryunosuke on behalf of himself, but it doesn't feel like it. Would Kazuma be touched to hear this? He truly has no idea.]
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Well... I haven't given up. I do wonder if, perhaps, this is something we're meant to figure out together.
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You... want to help me figure out what my mission is?
[He isn't going to ask why again, because he knows he'll only get the same answer and that he won't be able to fully accept it. If he wants Ryunosuke's aid, he'll simply have to take it as it's offered. There's a better question, anyway.]
How? I have nothing to go on. I hardly know where to begin looking.
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He sighs.]
Well... That's not really so surprising, is it? You've no context to search within because you barely know anything about yourself. And until now, you haven't had anyone available who could help you fill in the blanks in your story.
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[His mind races at the proposal, and the fog of despair that descended on him when Ryunosuke admitted he knew nothing is already starting to feel a little lighter. There's very little question now that they previously knew each other--even if Ryunosuke doesn't have the particular answer Kazuma wants, he has others, and he is willing to help. More, he wants to help. That's already more resources than Kazuma had at his disposal just a few days ago.
This could be the resolution he's been searching for after all. Reluctantly, unbidden, he feels hope begin to bloom in his chest again, which is a very dangerous feeling.]
Perhaps there's a way we could piece something together. How well did you actually know me?
[Naturally, he has no idea how loaded a question that is.]
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Is asking anyone how well they knew a person whom they're clearly still mourning ever not a loaded question? Ryunosuke just isn't fully aware of how deep that pitfall is yet. He hasn't had much need to look at his relationship with Kazuma more critically, until now... And despite the lingering mystery of the details surrounding his 'secret mission', the man's apparent 'death' had only served to vault Ryunosuke's perception of him on to an even higher pedestal than before.
So, still being under the illusion of the wholesomeness of their friendship... For the first time tonight, Ryunosuke puts on a warm, easy smile.]
Hah... Well, you're in luck in that regard. The two of us, we... We were the best of friends. Partners.
[He doesn't say it outright, but he can't disguise the hope in his words... That they might reach that point again one day. Somehow...]
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[He realizes it isn't all that surprising, actually, to learn that they had been that close. His memory casts back to what Ryunosuke had said just moments ago--I tried to carry on in your place. I wanted to honor your memory. He'd mentioned another person, too--it's surreal for him to think that he truly did have a life this whole time. People who loved him and missed him for being gone. He's never known--never remembered, rather--what it's like to have those attachments.
And for Ryunosuke to have gone to the other side of the world to do it...]
You've... been doing quite a lot for me, haven't you.
[He doesn't quite know what to say in the face of that. Who was he to have inspired such a thing?]
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W-well I mean... Hah. I suppose so. [He fidgets bashfully.] I've just been doing what felt right...
[His demeanor sobers. He's still smiling, but the tone has shifted in some subtle way.]
Before you... 'Died...' You told me that I had the makings of a great lawyer. I brushed you off at the time, because frankly I had no intention of ever setting foot in a courtroom again if I could help it. But you... You had this dream, you see. Of reforming Japan's legal system...
[Ryunosuke trails off, feeling like he's starting to overshare a bit much. He figures Kazuma can draw whatever conclusions he likes from that information.]
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Regardless of whether it's true, it's obvious how much the idea has impacted Ryunosuke.]
So you decided to see it through for me, when I wasn't able to?
[It means nothing to him, and yet... he finds himself touched nonetheless.]
That's very admirable of you to do for a friend. Even a close one. Thank you, even if... I can't appreciate it the way...
[He wants to say "he would have," but it feels strange to talk about himself as if he was a different person. Even if that's how it feels. So he just trails off.]
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Th-there's no need to thank me, honestly...
[And indeed, he waves the notion off.]
Anyway! Um. The point I was getting at is: whatever you want to know, you can ask me.
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All he truly wants to know about is his mission, and Ryunosuke has no idea what that is either. Even if Ryunosuke does have the information needed to figure it out, how do they find it? It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is his own memories.]
You said I wanted to reform Japan's legal system. Did I ever say why? [Maybe something happened to him to give him that desire. Maybe his mission can be found there.]
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[How awkward is it, that he doesn't have an easy answer at the ready for the very first question he gets asked. Ryunosuke fidgets, twiddling his thumbs thoughtfully.]
If... If there was ever a specific catalyst for your decision in pursuing that, you never mentioned it to me. But... You were always so... I guess aware would be the word for it? You'd always chide me for not being more keyed into things; the ways in which the country was... is changing...
[While he speaks, a soft smile spreads across his face, as he thinks about all the fondly remembered debates held over lunch time hotpot.]
...You believed in the power of the people. That the government and courts should serve everyone, not just the interests of the elite. I don't think I fully understood that, why it was such a concern to you, until I wound up in the dock myself...
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All his worries are temporarily set aside, however, at Ryunosuke's last admission.]
You were in the dock? [He can't imagine someone as nonthreatening-seeming as Ryunosuke being accused of anything untoward, let alone him actually doing it.] What for?
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[He says it plainly enough. Eyes downcast.]
Well. I was framed for murder, actually, as it turned out... We figured that out together, over the course of the trial.
[And it's probably relevant for him to add:]
You... Were the only person who believed me, when I said I didn't do it.
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That can't possibly be true. You don't seem like you'd be capable of such a thing.
[Uh... no offense??]
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I'm not. [He'll cop to that.] But that didn't stop the police from arresting me, or the courts from making a case against me.
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[If it's true he used to be a law student, it's a natural thing to assume. People usually don't represent themselves in court, after all, and why else would he be involved in someone else's murder charge? It's somewhat ironic, then, that Stronghart has him training to be a prosecutor now.
He assumes he's right, so he doesn't wait for Ryunosuke to answer the question before asking another one:]
I take it I was successful, considering you're not in prison. Is that when we became friends?
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He should probably double back and correct that. Perhaps in a minute... He's eager to answer this question too.]
No no, actually, we... We met in our first year at Yumei University. At a speech competition.
[How's he supposed to explain THAT story? Kazuma honestly told it much better. When he could still remember it, that is...]
You, uh... You kind of lost. To me.
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You won the speech competition but I'm the lawyer? That doesn't seem right.
[He's not exactly accusing Ryunosuke of lying, but, well... the doubt is there. Are you sure you actually beat him at a speech competition, because that sounds fake.]
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...You accidentally worked a tongue twister into your closing line.
[Maybe that'll be enough to explain things on its own.]