[Avoiding being alone with him and avoiding quite looking at him, too. This is already off to a great start.]
I'd offer to make tea, but...
[Among other reasons, he still has no idea how to use most of the appliances around here. He isn't sure he could figure out how to boil the water.
And, well. They're best friends, aren't they? They don't need such formalities to break the ice. Or they shouldn't.
They don't. And now that the situation can't be escaped, Kazuma feels inclined to be the one to take the bull by the horns, if it's the only way to be in some semblance of control. He still has to take a small moment to steel himself.]
[Tea actually would be nice... He could really use one of Iris's herbal blends right about now. No chance of that though, obviously.
Ryunosuke huffs a noise that's somewhere between a groan and a sigh, closing his eyes a moment.]
Actually, I was hoping we might discuss... Er, rather, I wanted to ask you... Your opinion. About this whole station, I mean. And its mission, now that we have a better idea of what it entails...
[He peers at Kazuma, brow furrowed slightly in unavoidable concern.]
Do you... Actually intend to stay here and participate?
[Kazuma feels his shoulders deflate almost immediately. He's both relieved and... disappointed, oddly, that this is what Ryunosuke is here to talk about.
Though it's certainly also something worth discussing, and of immediate importance. He shouldn't have been caught by surprise. Further surprising is the realization that he... actually hasn't thought about this at all. Rather, he'd put it to the back of his mind for later processing, almost mechanically, as if he was subconsciously aware that it was a topic that would cause him some stress.
Well, here he is, his procrastination on feeling his feelings coming to bite him in the ass again.]
I... suppose so, yes. I'm under the impression that these orbs are quite dangerous if left alone.
[Which makes helping the morally correct thing to do, if they're capable of providing it. Right?]
[Alright, what was with that reaction...? Was Kazuma expecting him to say something else? It sure seemed like it, for a moment there.
Something in his gut twists when Kazuma says that, but he's not completely sure why...]
W-well. Yes, that's true, but...
[Trailing off, he realizes he doesn't actually know what to follow that 'but' up with. 'It's not really our problem?' 'Are we really equipped to handle it?' 'are you SURE you're staying JUST because you want to help?'
None of those sound good. He hates that he's even thinking any of it to begin with? And so he's forced to let the silence just, hang there, awkwardly.]
[Now that he knows Ryunosuke is not actually here to talk about what he was afraid they were going to talk about, Kazuma's confidence returns with aplomb. This feels like less dangerous territory, though Kazuma has a sneaking suspicion he might be wrong about that.]
"But"?
[Kazuma cocks his head, like he's waiting for Ryunosuke to continue.]
You're having doubts, aren't you? Just spit it out already.
[Ryunosuke looks him properly in the eye now, still frowning deeply. He can't help but note the drastic shift in the other man's demeanor, the return of some of his familiar old bravado. He must have been expecting a very different conversation indeed, and it's not hard to guess what about.
One thing at a time, though.]
Of course I'm having doubts. So many, frankly I don't even know where to begin... Though we might as well start with what you've already mentioned: that these orbs have the capacity to be incredibly dangerous.
That's true. [These are doubts he's been having himself, after all. He doesn't completely have blinders on.]
And I'm sure you've noticed we have quite an eclectic group of people here. Some of them can do what I can only describe as magic.
[He lets his point dangle unspoken: it makes sense to participate in a dangerous mission like this if you have literal superpowers. How on earth are they supposed to make any kind of impact? Kazuma is really just a guy who happens to be good with a sword, and Ryunosuke... well.]
You're thinking we can leave this to the "professionals," is that it?
[With a slight grimace of embarrassment on his face, Ryunosuke rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably. It really feels cowardly, and he highly doubts Kazuma will accept this as enough of a reason to turn their back on this, but...]
[He wonders if Ryunosuke is surprised that he agrees. Ryunosuke is wondering if Kazuma intends to erase his regret, surely. The problem is that Kazuma himself still isn't sure.]
But is this really something you want to leave to other people on faith, when we're the ones in a position to do something? I find it difficult to think of simply walking away from this.
[He is a bit surprised? But then again, Kazuma does have a knack for that kind of objectivity... Most of the time, anyway.
Ryunosuke seems to chew on the rest for a moment, crossing his arms loosely over his chest. He's avoiding looking at his friend again... Not for an inability to meet his eye, but simply because his mind is preoccupied, turning over other matters.]
I suppose... The problem lies with me, then. [He sighs.] It's not that I'm not sympathetic to those who would be endangered by these orbs, but... I've also just recently made another very serious commitment, if you recall.
[Kazuma can't help but smile to see how much Ryunosuke has come to embody what Kazuma has always known to be true of him--the easy, confident way he objects, not out of fear for his own life but because of his prior duty to others. The kind of confidence Kazuma could only ever pretend to exude. And Ryunosuke probably doesn't even realize the poignance of it.]
So you have, haven't you?
[Kazuma's prospects, on the other hand, had felt somewhat more tenuous. Less... binding. He's not exactly upset at not having to look at Barok van Zieks's face every day, for one thing, and he's sure the man won't complain too much either. Maybe this is the best solution for everyone: Ryunosuke can stay on the path he chose, and Kazuma has a firmer chance to redeem himself.]
Well, we already had resolved to go our separate ways. It seems the circumstances are just a little different now.
[There's a feeling nagging at him... And he has to remind himself, as he contemplates it, that he is probably being a bit oversensitive, given the strain between them... But. He can't help but feel as if... Perhaps, Kazuma is just a bit too eager to see him off...?]
A little different? [Ryunosuke laughs rather incredulously.] That... That's a bit of an understatement, don't you think?
[He can feel his nerves starting to get stirred up again. A different but familiar kind of frustration, the kind he'd experience back at Yumei, whenever Kazuma would bull rush his way through some more mundane decision... Like, where they were going to eat out that day, or what topic their partnered assignment for English class was going to be on.
Ryunosuke shakes his head, continuing the thought without missing a beat:]
But that's just it though, isn't it? I can't just... Walk away from this, knowing you and the Professor will both be involved. That's why... Well. Frankly, I was hoping we might all be on the same page already...
[Kazuma's brow furrows; he's honestly confused why Ryunosuke seems to be unhappy with this.]
Why can't you? [It's a blunt question, but it isn't snide. He's asking it for real.] You said it yourself: you have other commitments. I... have somewhat fewer, and the Professor... makes his own choices.
[His gaze can't help but flick away at the last thought; those are feelings he definitely doesn't want to examine right now.]
What either of us decides to do here doesn't need to have any impact on you.
[Ryunosuke stares at him incredulously. He can see where Kazuma gets that logic from, but it feels so incredibly tone deaf that it honestly strikes a nerve. Kazuma isn't getting the full brunt of his angry lawyer voice, but the tone Ryunosuke takes is scolding.]
'Don't need to'--? Are you serious, Kazuma? Do you really think I can just leave you both here and go about my business back home with a clear conscience? With no easy means of knowing where you are or how you're faring? Knowing you're not even on Earth anymore?
[This is not how Kazuma expected this conversation to go. He doesn't understand what was wrong with what he said, and he also doesn't understand why Ryunosuke is getting so upset about it, but upset he is. And Kazuma finds his hackles raising in turn.]
I don't see how it's any different from you leaving for Japan in the first place. [And that truly isn't something he resents Ryunosuke for--his partner deserves a chance to find his own path beyond the one Kazuma himself forced him to be on, however inadvertently. Kazuma had been proud to see him do it; he still is.
But Ryunosuke had been leaving regardless. Whether Kazuma is here or in London, Ryunosuke would still be gone. Kazuma doesn't understand why it's his location that makes the difference.
There's a feeling building in his chest that he isn't sure of--part of him is terrified it's anger, but when he speaks his voice only sounds confused.]
I thought this was what going our separate ways meant.
[Honestly? Ryunosuke is rather surprised with himself as well, to find that he's this upset about it. In the past, he'd always been unanimously supportive of Kazuma's choices-- or, of the ones Kazuma bothered to tell him about, anyway-- and it feels odd to be going against the grain like this.]
No, I know that, but...!
[He sounds frustrated; it's not often he has this much trouble expressing himself these days, but something about this has him running up against a brick wall. He has to pause and take a deep breath, successfully reaching for some of that inner calm.]
...It's not the same. I know it's not as if London is completely free of threats, but I didn't concern myself with them because they were least threats I know you're more than capable of handling. Threats that are of our world and our time. That's... clearly not the case here. And if you stay, and I leave...
[He glances away, subdued. This feels childish to say, but he's not pulling any punches]
We don't even know for sure that we'll be able to keep in touch. Back on Earth, even if we were on opposite sides of the globe, we could still write to each other. Or send a telegram if something urgent came up. Here... The people in charge of this mission reached out to us through our dreams. What am I supposed to do? Lay down every night knowing I might fall asleep to the news that you've been killed for real this time?
[Kazuma's eyes widen with realization--and then he closes them, his shoulders slumping. Of course. Everything had happened so quickly, and so recently--he'd known, of course, that everyone had thought he was dead. That Ryunosuke and Susato and Professor Mikotoba had thought he was dead.
In a way, he had been. But it had been different from his side: his identity may have been dead, but his body was still moving, breathing, surviving; he hadn't even known there were people to mourn him, people for him to miss. He hadn't known there was any misconception at all.
It feels like a deception, even though Kazuma knows it was truly out of his power. And even if he'd been alive after all, he's sure their grief must have been very real.]
I'm sorry, Ryunosuke. I never meant to put you through that. I...
[...He doesn't actually want to think about this. The memory of living like a ghost is still too recent, too close to the present, and the idea of revisiting it so soon fills his chest with a kind of gnawing horror. Almost unconsciously, he reaches up to touch the back of his head; there's no pain there now, but the memory of it is there.]
I would have said something if I could. If--if I knew to.
[If nothing else, Kazuma's apology seems to snap Ryunosuke out of this dark imagined future that he's growing so concerned over. He looks up at him again with a little jolt, his expression shifting from surprise to one of pained contrition. He hadn't meant to make him feel guilty... Especially not for that, of all things.]
Kazuma, you...
[He was about to say "have nothing to apologize for," but that's... Maybe not strictly true in a broader sense, now is it? He closes his eyes, breathes out again slowly.]
...I know you would have. And none of the blame for that lies with you. Of course I understand the reasoning Mr. Sholmes had for his actions now, but...
[He shakes his head a little. It's a very painful thing to look back upon, and he realizes he's letting this distract them from the very serious conversation they're supposed to be having about Orbs... But he really can't help but add this aside, with a lopsided smirk and all:]
...Did anyone ever tell you that the ship's crew tried to blame your 'murder' on me?
[That's funny, right? He can laugh about it now. They can both laugh about it together.]
[No, no one had told him that, actually. Rather than laughing like Ryunosuke might have been expecting, Kazuma's jaw drops in horror.]
Th-They tried to do what?!
[The implications of that statement slam into him all at once. Kazuma had never thought about it--hadn't had the time to think about it yet--but after he'd "died," Ryunosuke must have been discovered as a matter of course. What had happened to him for being an illegal stowaway? Had Susato been implicated? Just how much of a mess had Kazuma's actions made of everyone's lives?
And to think that anyone could suspect Ryunosuke of murder at all--again!--let alone of murdering Kazuma--
Maybe he is getting a bit of a headache, actually.]
[Ah. That's... Not exactly the reaction he'd been expecting, no. Ryunosuke flinches a little in surprise at the force behind it, straightening up and blinking his dinner-plate eyes rapidly.]
W-well--! I mean, they certainly seemed to at the time...? Though knowing what I know now, I'm not so sure if... Ah...
[He's slowly starting to realize... Though he had gotten the broad strokes of Kazuma's story, around what he went through after the accident... There really hadn't been time for Ryunosuke to reciprocate, had there?]
Haaaahhh... [his shoulders slump.] I'm sorry Kazuma, that... That was careless of me. There's so much I just, haven't had the chance to tell you, and it's... It's easy to forget...
[Kazuma closes his eyes and lets out a slow breath himself. Getting upset now won't change anything that's already happened, he has to remind himself. Ryunosuke had clearly handled himself well, and he deserves better than Kazuma losing self-control again about a situation he caused.]
It's all right, Ryunosuke. There wasn't really time to do more than cover the basics.
[Well. They certainly seem to have the time now, don't they? The problem is this still isn't a conversation Kazuma is sure he wants to continue. It's so fresh a wound, all of it, and Kazuma is already tired of bleeding. Being here, in a completely new place with none of the old trapping there to haunt them, there's a temptation to pretend that it's all resolved and they've been offered a clean slate. That they could all move forward and leave the past where it belongs.
If life were really so simple, so easy, Kazuma's own would look quite different, wouldn't it? The first step to defeating his demons isn't to ignore them but to face them.]
I think... it's about time we did so, don't you? ...I'm sure you have questions for me as well.
[Ryunosuke... Laughs. A smile, feeble and tired and absolutely genuine, graces his features.]
Yes... I was just thinking the exact same thing, my friend.
[ Maybe it's a strange reaction to have to this development, smiling the way he does. They both know this isn't going to be an easy conversation, not by any stretch of the imagination. Yet, somehow, he can't help but feel a little bit bolstered, knowing they'd both reached the same conclusion at the same time. It's small, and silly... But he'll take what he can get.
So they sit down at the in-suite table and chairs there in Kazuma's quarters and discuss. Starting from where Kazuma 'left off', as it were, seems like the logical thing to do. Ryunosuke isn't exactly keen on getting too deep in the details of his side of the Burya incident, and it's not that he wishes to withhold anything from Kazuma... It's just that it's painful to relay, even for an open book like Ryu.
He does, since he made mention of it already, explain how when he'd woken up in their cabin that morning, it was to find himself in handcuffs. He somberly explains how Kazuma's 'body' had already been removed from the scene by the time he came round, and how he'd had to appeal to Susato for her aid in running their own investigation. That there was a deadline, an urgency to clear Ryunosuke of suspicion before they were to dock in Hong Kong, when the police would surely be involved.
He mentions how Inspector Hosonaga had put himself on the line to let them investigate the rest of the first class area. And, without getting too deep in the minutia, he summarizes the conclusion they'd all reached together with Mr. Sholmes: that the runaway ballerina was the culprit, and the crew had helped to cover it up in order to protect her, using the convenient sleep that most of the rest of the ship was under-- thanks to that drugged chicken-- as cover for their activities.
Chin in his hand, elbow on the table, Ryunosuke pauses there, sighing. He looks at Kazuma cautiously.]
...I'm sorry if this is painful to ask, but... I wonder, do you... Have any recollection at all of what happened that night, from your own perspective? Or...
[When Ryunosuke launches into his explanation, Kazuma, for his part, simply lets him speak. With all the trouble he's caused his best friend over these past several months, the least Kazuma can do is sit there and listen to the man himself tell it. Any questions he has can wait until Ryunosuke is good and done.
By the time Ryunosuke finishes, Kazuma is leaning forward with his elbows on the table, forehead resting against his steepled fingers. He'd really left such a mess for his friend to clean up, hadn't he? And poor Susato as well. He really should have had a contingency plan for if Ryunosuke had been discovered, at least. He should have done something so that it all didn't have to happen. Most likely, not have asked Ryunosuke to come with him to England in the first place.
Ryunosuke's question startles him out of his brooding, and he lets out a sigh, closing his eyes.]
...Some.
[He hasn't had much reason to think back on that night, truth be told. Until recently (has it really only been, what, twelve days? a fortnight?), he'd been capable of very little reflection at all, and trying to connect the frayed gaps of his memory now feels like trying to fit a jigsaw piece into the wrong puzzle. Trying to cast his mind back over the events of that night doesn't make his head hurt, but it feels like it should. Like the phantom pain of a missing limb.]
I remember meeting the girl and talking about a cat, but much of it is... [His brow furrows as he looks for the right word.] ...Vague. Like I'm remembering a dream. But none of what you said feels incorrect.
[Miss Pavlova had basically all but admitted that what they'd concluded through their investigation was correct, anyway. It's mostly out of curiosity and concern for how Kazuma is taking all this, that Ryunosuke even asks.]
She said she panicked. She was under the impression that you were about to pull the bell cord and... Call someone else to the room. That's... Why she did what she did.
[He's not sure if he's trying to explain her motivations to Kazuma, or if he's still trying to process what happened for himself. Thankfully, she hadn't actually killed Kazuma like they'd thought... But she'd still injured him grievously, and caused a whole mess of trouble.]
[Is he being too calm about this? It's surreal to only learn the truth of the story now. For nine months he'd wracked his brain, trying to remember what had happened to him to very little avail, and then when his memories had returned all at once he'd had... more important things to do than dwell on what had turned out to be a simple accident.
He should be angry with Nina Pavlova. Regardless of her intentions, her actions had put Kazuma through possibly the worst year of his life. Part of him wants to be; in another universe he probably is; but here and now, he finds he's exhausted of holding grudges. It had never done him any good in the end, and he can't find it within himself to hold too much against a scared, lonely young girl who felt the whole world was against her.
Besides. It isn't as though he hasn't made his own grievous mistakes. Can he truly say of himself now that he wouldn't have done the same in her position?]
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I'd offer to make tea, but...
[Among other reasons, he still has no idea how to use most of the appliances around here. He isn't sure he could figure out how to boil the water.
And, well. They're best friends, aren't they? They don't need such formalities to break the ice. Or they shouldn't.
They don't. And now that the situation can't be escaped, Kazuma feels inclined to be the one to take the bull by the horns, if it's the only way to be in some semblance of control. He still has to take a small moment to steel himself.]
What was it you wanted to talk about?
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Ryunosuke huffs a noise that's somewhere between a groan and a sigh, closing his eyes a moment.]
Actually, I was hoping we might discuss... Er, rather, I wanted to ask you... Your opinion. About this whole station, I mean. And its mission, now that we have a better idea of what it entails...
[He peers at Kazuma, brow furrowed slightly in unavoidable concern.]
Do you... Actually intend to stay here and participate?
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[Kazuma feels his shoulders deflate almost immediately. He's both relieved and... disappointed, oddly, that this is what Ryunosuke is here to talk about.
Though it's certainly also something worth discussing, and of immediate importance. He shouldn't have been caught by surprise. Further surprising is the realization that he... actually hasn't thought about this at all. Rather, he'd put it to the back of his mind for later processing, almost mechanically, as if he was subconsciously aware that it was a topic that would cause him some stress.
Well, here he is, his procrastination on feeling his feelings coming to bite him in the ass again.]
I... suppose so, yes. I'm under the impression that these orbs are quite dangerous if left alone.
[Which makes helping the morally correct thing to do, if they're capable of providing it. Right?]
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Something in his gut twists when Kazuma says that, but he's not completely sure why...]
W-well. Yes, that's true, but...
[Trailing off, he realizes he doesn't actually know what to follow that 'but' up with. 'It's not really our problem?' 'Are we really equipped to handle it?' 'are you SURE you're staying JUST because you want to help?'
None of those sound good. He hates that he's even thinking any of it to begin with? And so he's forced to let the silence just, hang there, awkwardly.]
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"But"?
[Kazuma cocks his head, like he's waiting for Ryunosuke to continue.]
You're having doubts, aren't you? Just spit it out already.
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One thing at a time, though.]
Of course I'm having doubts. So many, frankly I don't even know where to begin... Though we might as well start with what you've already mentioned: that these orbs have the capacity to be incredibly dangerous.
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And I'm sure you've noticed we have quite an eclectic group of people here. Some of them can do what I can only describe as magic.
[He lets his point dangle unspoken: it makes sense to participate in a dangerous mission like this if you have literal superpowers. How on earth are they supposed to make any kind of impact? Kazuma is really just a guy who happens to be good with a sword, and Ryunosuke... well.]
You're thinking we can leave this to the "professionals," is that it?
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Haaah... More or less, yes.
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[He wonders if Ryunosuke is surprised that he agrees. Ryunosuke is wondering if Kazuma intends to erase his regret, surely. The problem is that Kazuma himself still isn't sure.]
But is this really something you want to leave to other people on faith, when we're the ones in a position to do something? I find it difficult to think of simply walking away from this.
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Ryunosuke seems to chew on the rest for a moment, crossing his arms loosely over his chest. He's avoiding looking at his friend again... Not for an inability to meet his eye, but simply because his mind is preoccupied, turning over other matters.]
I suppose... The problem lies with me, then. [He sighs.] It's not that I'm not sympathetic to those who would be endangered by these orbs, but... I've also just recently made another very serious commitment, if you recall.
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So you have, haven't you?
[Kazuma's prospects, on the other hand, had felt somewhat more tenuous. Less... binding. He's not exactly upset at not having to look at Barok van Zieks's face every day, for one thing, and he's sure the man won't complain too much either. Maybe this is the best solution for everyone: Ryunosuke can stay on the path he chose, and Kazuma has a firmer chance to redeem himself.]
Well, we already had resolved to go our separate ways. It seems the circumstances are just a little different now.
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A little different? [Ryunosuke laughs rather incredulously.] That... That's a bit of an understatement, don't you think?
[He can feel his nerves starting to get stirred up again. A different but familiar kind of frustration, the kind he'd experience back at Yumei, whenever Kazuma would bull rush his way through some more mundane decision... Like, where they were going to eat out that day, or what topic their partnered assignment for English class was going to be on.
Ryunosuke shakes his head, continuing the thought without missing a beat:]
But that's just it though, isn't it? I can't just... Walk away from this, knowing you and the Professor will both be involved. That's why... Well. Frankly, I was hoping we might all be on the same page already...
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Why can't you? [It's a blunt question, but it isn't snide. He's asking it for real.] You said it yourself: you have other commitments. I... have somewhat fewer, and the Professor... makes his own choices.
[His gaze can't help but flick away at the last thought; those are feelings he definitely doesn't want to examine right now.]
What either of us decides to do here doesn't need to have any impact on you.
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'Don't need to'--? Are you serious, Kazuma? Do you really think I can just leave you both here and go about my business back home with a clear conscience? With no easy means of knowing where you are or how you're faring? Knowing you're not even on Earth anymore?
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I don't see how it's any different from you leaving for Japan in the first place. [And that truly isn't something he resents Ryunosuke for--his partner deserves a chance to find his own path beyond the one Kazuma himself forced him to be on, however inadvertently. Kazuma had been proud to see him do it; he still is.
But Ryunosuke had been leaving regardless. Whether Kazuma is here or in London, Ryunosuke would still be gone. Kazuma doesn't understand why it's his location that makes the difference.
There's a feeling building in his chest that he isn't sure of--part of him is terrified it's anger, but when he speaks his voice only sounds confused.]
I thought this was what going our separate ways meant.
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No, I know that, but...!
[He sounds frustrated; it's not often he has this much trouble expressing himself these days, but something about this has him running up against a brick wall. He has to pause and take a deep breath, successfully reaching for some of that inner calm.]
...It's not the same. I know it's not as if London is completely free of threats, but I didn't concern myself with them because they were least threats I know you're more than capable of handling. Threats that are of our world and our time. That's... clearly not the case here. And if you stay, and I leave...
[He glances away, subdued. This feels childish to say, but he's not pulling any punches]
We don't even know for sure that we'll be able to keep in touch. Back on Earth, even if we were on opposite sides of the globe, we could still write to each other. Or send a telegram if something urgent came up. Here... The people in charge of this mission reached out to us through our dreams. What am I supposed to do? Lay down every night knowing I might fall asleep to the news that you've been killed for real this time?
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In a way, he had been. But it had been different from his side: his identity may have been dead, but his body was still moving, breathing, surviving; he hadn't even known there were people to mourn him, people for him to miss. He hadn't known there was any misconception at all.
It feels like a deception, even though Kazuma knows it was truly out of his power. And even if he'd been alive after all, he's sure their grief must have been very real.]
I'm sorry, Ryunosuke. I never meant to put you through that. I...
[...He doesn't actually want to think about this. The memory of living like a ghost is still too recent, too close to the present, and the idea of revisiting it so soon fills his chest with a kind of gnawing horror. Almost unconsciously, he reaches up to touch the back of his head; there's no pain there now, but the memory of it is there.]
I would have said something if I could. If--if I knew to.
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Kazuma, you...
[He was about to say "have nothing to apologize for," but that's... Maybe not strictly true in a broader sense, now is it? He closes his eyes, breathes out again slowly.]
...I know you would have. And none of the blame for that lies with you. Of course I understand the reasoning Mr. Sholmes had for his actions now, but...
[He shakes his head a little. It's a very painful thing to look back upon, and he realizes he's letting this distract them from the very serious conversation they're supposed to be having about Orbs... But he really can't help but add this aside, with a lopsided smirk and all:]
...Did anyone ever tell you that the ship's crew tried to blame your 'murder' on me?
[That's funny, right? He can laugh about it now. They can both laugh about it together.]
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Th-They tried to do what?!
[The implications of that statement slam into him all at once. Kazuma had never thought about it--hadn't had the time to think about it yet--but after he'd "died," Ryunosuke must have been discovered as a matter of course. What had happened to him for being an illegal stowaway? Had Susato been implicated? Just how much of a mess had Kazuma's actions made of everyone's lives?
And to think that anyone could suspect Ryunosuke of murder at all--again!--let alone of murdering Kazuma--
Maybe he is getting a bit of a headache, actually.]
Tell me no one took it seriously!
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W-well--! I mean, they certainly seemed to at the time...? Though knowing what I know now, I'm not so sure if... Ah...
[He's slowly starting to realize... Though he had gotten the broad strokes of Kazuma's story, around what he went through after the accident... There really hadn't been time for Ryunosuke to reciprocate, had there?]
Haaaahhh... [his shoulders slump.] I'm sorry Kazuma, that... That was careless of me. There's so much I just, haven't had the chance to tell you, and it's... It's easy to forget...
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It's all right, Ryunosuke. There wasn't really time to do more than cover the basics.
[Well. They certainly seem to have the time now, don't they? The problem is this still isn't a conversation Kazuma is sure he wants to continue. It's so fresh a wound, all of it, and Kazuma is already tired of bleeding. Being here, in a completely new place with none of the old trapping there to haunt them, there's a temptation to pretend that it's all resolved and they've been offered a clean slate. That they could all move forward and leave the past where it belongs.
If life were really so simple, so easy, Kazuma's own would look quite different, wouldn't it? The first step to defeating his demons isn't to ignore them but to face them.]
I think... it's about time we did so, don't you? ...I'm sure you have questions for me as well.
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Yes... I was just thinking the exact same thing, my friend.
[ Maybe it's a strange reaction to have to this development, smiling the way he does. They both know this isn't going to be an easy conversation, not by any stretch of the imagination. Yet, somehow, he can't help but feel a little bit bolstered, knowing they'd both reached the same conclusion at the same time. It's small, and silly... But he'll take what he can get.
So they sit down at the in-suite table and chairs there in Kazuma's quarters and discuss. Starting from where Kazuma 'left off', as it were, seems like the logical thing to do. Ryunosuke isn't exactly keen on getting too deep in the details of his side of the Burya incident, and it's not that he wishes to withhold anything from Kazuma... It's just that it's painful to relay, even for an open book like Ryu.
He does, since he made mention of it already, explain how when he'd woken up in their cabin that morning, it was to find himself in handcuffs. He somberly explains how Kazuma's 'body' had already been removed from the scene by the time he came round, and how he'd had to appeal to Susato for her aid in running their own investigation. That there was a deadline, an urgency to clear Ryunosuke of suspicion before they were to dock in Hong Kong, when the police would surely be involved.
He mentions how Inspector Hosonaga had put himself on the line to let them investigate the rest of the first class area. And, without getting too deep in the minutia, he summarizes the conclusion they'd all reached together with Mr. Sholmes: that the runaway ballerina was the culprit, and the crew had helped to cover it up in order to protect her, using the convenient sleep that most of the rest of the ship was under-- thanks to that drugged chicken-- as cover for their activities.
Chin in his hand, elbow on the table, Ryunosuke pauses there, sighing. He looks at Kazuma cautiously.]
...I'm sorry if this is painful to ask, but... I wonder, do you... Have any recollection at all of what happened that night, from your own perspective? Or...
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By the time Ryunosuke finishes, Kazuma is leaning forward with his elbows on the table, forehead resting against his steepled fingers. He'd really left such a mess for his friend to clean up, hadn't he? And poor Susato as well. He really should have had a contingency plan for if Ryunosuke had been discovered, at least. He should have done something so that it all didn't have to happen. Most likely, not have asked Ryunosuke to come with him to England in the first place.
Ryunosuke's question startles him out of his brooding, and he lets out a sigh, closing his eyes.]
...Some.
[He hasn't had much reason to think back on that night, truth be told. Until recently (has it really only been, what, twelve days? a fortnight?), he'd been capable of very little reflection at all, and trying to connect the frayed gaps of his memory now feels like trying to fit a jigsaw piece into the wrong puzzle. Trying to cast his mind back over the events of that night doesn't make his head hurt, but it feels like it should. Like the phantom pain of a missing limb.]
I remember meeting the girl and talking about a cat, but much of it is... [His brow furrows as he looks for the right word.] ...Vague. Like I'm remembering a dream. But none of what you said feels incorrect.
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She said she panicked. She was under the impression that you were about to pull the bell cord and... Call someone else to the room. That's... Why she did what she did.
[He's not sure if he's trying to explain her motivations to Kazuma, or if he's still trying to process what happened for himself. Thankfully, she hadn't actually killed Kazuma like they'd thought... But she'd still injured him grievously, and caused a whole mess of trouble.]
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[Is he being too calm about this? It's surreal to only learn the truth of the story now. For nine months he'd wracked his brain, trying to remember what had happened to him to very little avail, and then when his memories had returned all at once he'd had... more important things to do than dwell on what had turned out to be a simple accident.
He should be angry with Nina Pavlova. Regardless of her intentions, her actions had put Kazuma through possibly the worst year of his life. Part of him wants to be; in another universe he probably is; but here and now, he finds he's exhausted of holding grudges. It had never done him any good in the end, and he can't find it within himself to hold too much against a scared, lonely young girl who felt the whole world was against her.
Besides. It isn't as though he hasn't made his own grievous mistakes. Can he truly say of himself now that he wouldn't have done the same in her position?]
She didn't get charged with murder, did she?
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LMAO I didn't even realize I accidentally switched to prose on the last tag
it's all the same thing tbh 🤷
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