[It's the infirmary ceiling a split-second before it's Kazuma's face, because he'd been absorbed in his own thoughts when Ryunosuke's soft groan tipped him off to his impending consciousness. It's an effort not to crowd Ryunosuke as soon as his eyes crack open, Kazuma torn between wanting to fuss and wanting to give Ryunosuke space to breathe.
He compromises by hovering anxiously on the edge of his chair, not quite leaning over Ryunosuke but close enough to reach out and touch him if the impulse occurs to him.]
You're awake.
[He opens his mouth to say something else, probably something like How are you feeling?, but thinks better of it. It's a pointless question, really, of course Ryunosuke feels terrible; he's been mauled and poisoned and even with the most advanced of medical treatment he'd still needed to rest for days. And Kazuma had been useless in the face of the entire thing.
There's nothing he can say to encompass all of that, so he simply trails off awkwardly.]
[Ryunosuke blinks slowly a couple of times, taking a moment to both make sense of his surroundings and recollect what was even going on before he lost consciousness. Pain still lingers throughout his body, and he winces as he thoughtlessly tries to lift his injured arm to rub at his eyes. He croaks, voice raspy with disuse:]
...Unfortunately, yeah.
[His lips quirk very slightly in an expression of wryness as he says it.]
[Kazuma smiles a little in response, but it slides off his face quickly. It's hard to maintain much cheer when Ryunosuke still looks so unwell.]
How are you feeling?
[It's a stupid question, if he feels anywhere near as awful as he looks. But Kazuma feels like he needs to say something, and it's all that comes to mind.
(Well, that isn't entirely true, but now doesn't seem like the right time to bring it up.)]
A bit like I've been run over by a carriage, if I'm being perfectly honest.
[With most other people, he might try to sugar coat that a bit simply out of courtesy, not wanting to sound like he's fishing for sympathy or attention. Not with Kazuma, though; he gets the unfiltered truth.]
Um. Are YOU alright? I don't... Really remember much of what happened....
[Kazuma looks at Ryunosuke for a long moment; he doesn't particularly feel like revisiting events, but Ryunosuke does deserve to know.]
I'm fine. You healed the worst of it, and the rest was taken care of when we returned to the station. A cleric healed your most severe injuries, and Professor Mikotoba... was able to synthesize an antidote to the venom. The orb was retrieved. Mission accomplished.
[There. Brief, detached, businesslike. All the information Ryunosuke needs, and nothing of the terror Kazuma had felt when he had held Ryunosuke bleeding out in his arms, through every convulsion of pain until he'd finally passed out, so afraid he could actually die. It's over now. Ryunosuke is alive, and that's what matters.]
[Thank goodness for Professor Mikotoba... And he'll have to ask Kazuma for the name of the cleric later, so he can properly thank them himself later. For now, he's just processing...
He lays back down on his pillow, closing his eyes momentarily.]
...Thank goodness.
[That Kazuma didn't come to any further harm, and that the mission succeeded. Ryunosuke sighs, his brow furrowing contemplatively.]
I think I understand better now... Why these orbs need to be gathered and contained. If they can be used to summon and control beasts like those demons...? I mean, it's one thing to read the effects in the mission files, but experiencing ones power first-hand...
[Kazuma jerks in his chair as if startled, looking at Ryunosuke in horror.]
W-What? No, Ryunosuke--you were right the first time. This situation is clearly even more dangerous than expected. You need to go home.
[Faintly, he's aware that this is a sentiment Ryunosuke is not likely to appreciate, but preserving his partner's feelings feels like a low priority right now. How can Ryunosuke have come out of this experience wanting to stay? When there's every chance he really could die next time? Kazuma will trample over Ryunosuke's feelings a million times before he lets that happen.(*)
[Ryunosuke's eyes are startled open again by the urgency in Kazuma's voice. It takes a second for what his friend is saying to really sink in, but when it does his look of surprise gives way to a confused and vaguely annoyed frown.]
Kazuma...?
[What are you ON about? Did he even hear you right? You wanna try saying it again, bud?]
[As it always seems to do in these situations, Kazuma's brain catches up to him a second too late. He blanches, and then settles back in his chair, feeling sheepish. That must have been a very strange outburst from Ryunosuke's perspective, and Kazuma has no idea how to explain it without admitting how much Ryunosuke's near-death had scared him. And healthy communication of feelings is simply out of the question, of course.
After a moment, he just sighs.]
I'm sorry, Ryunosuke. I've been... tired. This isn't what we should be talking about while you're still recovering.
[In times gone by, Ryunosuke might have just let that slide. He'd be baffled by the outburst, but he'd accept Kazuma's apology and just let him come around to talking about it in his own time.
Right now, though... Isn't that exactly the kind of thing that forms the very basis of his own deepest regret?
He brushes past that attempt to change the subject, fixing Kazuma with a surprisingly stern look despite his weakened condition.]
Kazuma... I know you must have been worried about me, but. I'm not going anywhere.
[Kazuma can't meet Ryunosuke's eyes when he's looking at him like that, so he doesn't. He stares at his hands for several long seconds as Ryunosuke's words hang heavy in the room. They're having this conversation now, and Kazuma doesn't have anywhere to run, so he needs to respond.
It's still surprisingly hard to get the words out.]
...You almost did.
[His hands are clasped together so tightly they're trembling, the knuckles white. He can barely hear his own voice, he's speaking so quietly.]
What if it's worse the next time? What if I'm not there? I can't... [He trails off, unable to finish the sentence, the feeling he wants to express still too much, too raw. But the unspoken sentiment completes in his own head: I can't lose you. Ryunosuke has survived Kazuma's own death, but he's not at all sure the reverse would be true.]
[Watching Kazuma while he struggles to speak, Ryunosuke's expressions reflect back a whole cornucopia of emotion. Guilt, frustration, annoyance, sympathy... He's running the gamut, and for a guy who is typically fairly in touch with his own feelings, he's having a very hard time deciding where to land on this one.
Eventually, he settles back into that same stern expression as before, unconsciously balling his fists up and clenching lightly at the bedsheets.]
...If that's really how you feel, then you already understand why I can't just leave. [There's a bit of an edge to his voice now.] Unless you really expect me to just go home and live plagued by those same exact worries?
[Kazuma closes his eyes and leans back in his seat. He knows it's unfair, that he wants Ryunosuke to do something that he isn't willing to do himself. There's no argument he could make that wouldn't also be true in reverse.
As much as he wishes he could, he can't force Ryunosuke to go back.]
No. I suppose I can't.
[He imagines what would happen if Ryunosuke truly were to die, and the horror nearly steals the breath from his lungs. Is that how Ryunosuke had felt for the nine months Kazuma had been presumed dead? It's what drives him to ask the next question, even as he knows there's every chance it will only make Ryunosuke angry.]
[Luckily for Kazuma, it doesn't seem to make him any angrier than he already is.
Ryunosuke doesn't want to be mad at him anyway, considering he can imagine all too clearly how worried his friend must have been. He always tries to be humble, and is careful never to overestimate his own importance in most situations, but... Even he can't fool himself into thinking that Kazuma wouldn't be greatly effected by his getting hurt. Hell, he remembers all too clearly how horribly he'd felt when Mr Sholmes had been attacked; Kazuma must have been completely beside himself, by comparison.
He sighs, huffing out some of his lingering irritation. He's still feeling prickly, but it's a bit easier to set aside now.]
...I won't deny that you and Professor Mikotoba both have been the primary reason for my staying here as long as I have. But after this most recent mission...?
[He shakes his head lightly, appearing less than certain.]
I don't know... I. I need to think for a bit, but... It does make more sense to me now. Why it is that these orbs need to be found, and contained.
Kazuma lets out a slow breath. Ryunosuke is living by his principles as always, and Kazuma would never fault him that, but the fact remains that Kazuma is the reason Ryunosuke stayed here long enough to be hurt. Of course he is.]
Then... I'm sorry. For dragging you into a mess once again.
[Ryunosuke almost wants to cut him off before he even finishes the thought. To just jump right in there, mid-apology, with an irritated don't.
He already knows what Kazuma is probably going to say, and he doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear him talking as if this was somehow his responsibility... As if Ryunosuke hadn't made his own decisions, each of which had carried him right to that moment, to that snap decision made out on the battlefield.
Instead of interrupting, he lets Kazuma get through his piece. And then he exhales, trying to breathe through some of his frustration.]
Kazuma. I'm not about to accept an apology for a choice that I made entirely on my own.
[...Somehow, Kazuma's a little stung by this reaction. He snaps back around to look at Ryunosuke directly for the first time in a while, caught between feeling affronted or confused.]
B-But--if I'd just returned with you when you brought it up the first time, then--
[Then none of this would have happened, of course.]
[A small part of Ryunosuke can't help but feel a bit guilty for how hurt Kazuma seems, but he pushes past it. He's in no condition to be delicate right now, and maybe that's okay, actually? Maybe a bit of bluntness is what they both need.
He shakes his head and cuts in right where Kazuma left off, filling in the unspoken meaning for himself:]
It doesn't matter. Kazuma, reflecting on what one could have or should have done differently isn't an inherently poor use of time, but if you're only going to use it as a means of self-flagellation, then... Well, it's really no better than taking poison! You're only harming yourself thinking that way, and I'm not going to be party to it!
[He pauses to take a long breath, but it's obvious he's not done. If Kazuma tries cutting in, Ryunosuke will cut him off, barreling on ahead:]
More to the point: for better or worse, all three of us made the choice to stay. I made my own choice to stay. I don't need or want an apology for that.
Edited 2023-03-16 20:31 (UTC)
this tag is just the mental equivalent of him sliding to the floor going UUUUGGGHHHHH
[There's no risk of that: Kazuma just sits in stunned silence for the entirety of Ryunosuke's tirade. In some ways it feels reminiscent of that day in the courtroom, when Ryunosuke had cut right through Kazuma when he was at his lowest and it had ended up being exactly what Kazuma had needed anyway. A verbal slap in the face, so to speak.]
Is that what I'm doing? ...I suppose it is.
[He says it as if to himself, almost with a smile in his voice. What would he do without Ryunosuke around to give him a reality check? It feels lately like all his inclinations are faulty.
He's tired of always messing up.
Is there a way to say that that won't make Ryunosuke more disappointed in him somehow? He doesn't know what to do. It seems he doesn't even know how to fix himself without help.]
[In spite of himself, Ryunosuke can't help but soften a little. Staying mad is another thing he's in no condition for, even if he actually possessed the desire to do so.
Like always, he's still watching Kazuma closely while he reacts. Ryunosuke can usually pick up on the discord in his friend's heart without needing him to put it all to precise words... But it also doesn't take an emotional genius to figure out that continuing to harp on the point right now would just be kicking the man while he's down.]
...Just a bit, yes.
[there's a slight teasing cadence to those words and the ones yet to come, a bit of playful sarcasm to ease the tension.]
And yet, incredibly, I remain glad that you're the person who was here waiting for me when I woke up.
[Kazuma may keep making mistakes, but he is at least hearing Ryunosuke out. He's still making an effort.
As long as he keeps doing that, Ryunosuke could never be truly disappointed in him.]
[There was never a chance Kazuma could be anywhere else--and yet it still does something to him to hear Ryunosuke say it aloud, to have him affirm that he does still consider Kazuma his best friend after everything. For a moment Kazuma can only look at him in something a little like wonder.
He knows it isn't fair to either of them to think he doesn't deserve Ryunosuke's forgiveness, but he remains endlessly grateful to have it.
Kazuma doesn't truly have anything to say in response; instead, in an echo of a past conversation of this kind, he moves his hand next to Ryunosuke's--not close enough to touch, but close enough to be an offer. To comfort him in kind is the least he can do.]
[Ryunosuke's eyes flick to it briefly, considering... And then he carefully gathers Kazuma's hand up in his own.
It's just a normal clasp. He doesn't thread his fingers into Kazuma's, or anything like that... But he takes up his friend's hand, and he squeezes it lightly, radiating solidarity and comfort through the gesture.]
I know you must have been worried... I will try to be more careful from now on. Alright?
[Kazuma squeezes Ryunosuke's hand back, exhaling out the relief he feels. No matter how many times Ryunosuke proves his own faith, a part of Kazuma is always afraid that the next time Kazuma reaches out, tries to do his part to close the gap between them, will be the time Ryunosuke changes his mind and rejects him. He wonders if Ryunosuke really understands just how "worried" Kazuma was. If he really understands the true importance their relationship has for Kazuma.
What would Ryunosuke do if Kazuma were to lean in and kiss him right now?
For a single, blinding, impulsive moment, he almost does it. He can almost imagine the way Ryunosuke might even reciprocate--because Kazuma might be an idiot sometimes but he isn't insane, he's sure there's something there--he can picture Ryunosuke jerking away in surprise, then blushing, then maybe a slow smile spreading across his face as he realizes what Kazuma means. Or maybe he'd surprise Kazuma with his perception as he always does and realize immediately and kiss him back.
Or maybe Kazuma is wrong yet again, and Ryunosuke would only squawk in confusion and disgust, the moment ruined. Or worse: maybe he would get angry that Kazuma would choose to do this at such an inappropriate moment. Kazuma can all too easily imagine that too. And so he stays where he is, and does nothing.
But he finds he cannot simply sit and stew in these feelings as they are, either, and so he attempts to express them a different way. Even if it feels like a similarly sensitive topic.]
I don't think I had truly realized it before, but. [He swallows.] Is this... what it felt like? When you thought I was dead?
[Were he in a better state... If he was in any condition to be as attentive to the tells of the people around him as he might usually be? Ryunosuke might have caught that wild split second, when Kazuma considers taking the plunge. Maybe he would have even guessed what it meant. It's more likely he wouldn't have, and would have simply clocked it as a strange moment to take note of. But as things stand, he's exhausted, and when the moment happens, he's busy settling back on his pillows, eyes closed as he feels out a comfier resting position.
His hand is still in Kazuma's though, and it stills eerily, before squeezing a little tighter at the question.]
...Probably, [he laughs, a little uncertainly. He's not opposed to discussing this; they probably need to. And any moment of vulnerability from Kazuma where he isn't being irritatingly hypocritical (see above), should probably be capitalized on. But... Ryunosuke also isn't sure how to answer that honestly.] Similar, at least.
With that, I... Didn't even have the chance to be terrified for you. By the time I woke up, you were already gone... In multiple senses of the word.
['Gone' as in his life was already extinguished, but also he was literally gone. Only an outline on the floor to indicate where the body had been. Ryunosuke glances away, grimacing at the memory of it.]
To be honest, more than anything else? At least at first, what I felt was just. Angry...
[Angry at whoever had really done it. It had helped drive him, to insist upon investigating. He'd wanted to find the true perpetrator, and see that they paid for what they did. And then, after the truth of the incident came out? He was angry at everything. Angry at the gods for letting it happen, angry at himself for letting it happen... Angry over how it was all such a tragic, pointless waste...]
Angry and then... Hollow. Like a part of my soul had been scooped out.
[...Ah. And just now, something clicks into place.]
...I was being selfish, when I threw you aside during that fight. [Back on Aldyhion.] Selfish and cowardly; it happened so fast, but I remember thinking that I just couldn't do that again...
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He compromises by hovering anxiously on the edge of his chair, not quite leaning over Ryunosuke but close enough to reach out and touch him if the impulse occurs to him.]
You're awake.
[He opens his mouth to say something else, probably something like How are you feeling?, but thinks better of it. It's a pointless question, really, of course Ryunosuke feels terrible; he's been mauled and poisoned and even with the most advanced of medical treatment he'd still needed to rest for days. And Kazuma had been useless in the face of the entire thing.
There's nothing he can say to encompass all of that, so he simply trails off awkwardly.]
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...Unfortunately, yeah.
[His lips quirk very slightly in an expression of wryness as he says it.]
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How are you feeling?
[It's a stupid question, if he feels anywhere near as awful as he looks. But Kazuma feels like he needs to say something, and it's all that comes to mind.
(Well, that isn't entirely true, but now doesn't seem like the right time to bring it up.)]
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[With most other people, he might try to sugar coat that a bit simply out of courtesy, not wanting to sound like he's fishing for sympathy or attention. Not with Kazuma, though; he gets the unfiltered truth.]
Um. Are YOU alright? I don't... Really remember much of what happened....
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I'm fine. You healed the worst of it, and the rest was taken care of when we returned to the station. A cleric healed your most severe injuries, and Professor Mikotoba... was able to synthesize an antidote to the venom. The orb was retrieved. Mission accomplished.
[There. Brief, detached, businesslike. All the information Ryunosuke needs, and nothing of the terror Kazuma had felt when he had held Ryunosuke bleeding out in his arms, through every convulsion of pain until he'd finally passed out, so afraid he could actually die. It's over now. Ryunosuke is alive, and that's what matters.]
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He lays back down on his pillow, closing his eyes momentarily.]
...Thank goodness.
[That Kazuma didn't come to any further harm, and that the mission succeeded. Ryunosuke sighs, his brow furrowing contemplatively.]
I think I understand better now... Why these orbs need to be gathered and contained. If they can be used to summon and control beasts like those demons...? I mean, it's one thing to read the effects in the mission files, but experiencing ones power first-hand...
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W-What? No, Ryunosuke--you were right the first time. This situation is clearly even more dangerous than expected. You need to go home.
[Faintly, he's aware that this is a sentiment Ryunosuke is not likely to appreciate, but preserving his partner's feelings feels like a low priority right now. How can Ryunosuke have come out of this experience wanting to stay? When there's every chance he really could die next time? Kazuma will trample over Ryunosuke's feelings a million times before he lets that happen.(*)
(*) he is in fact an idiot for this]
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Kazuma...?
[What are you ON about? Did he even hear you right? You wanna try saying it again, bud?]
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After a moment, he just sighs.]
I'm sorry, Ryunosuke. I've been... tired. This isn't what we should be talking about while you're still recovering.
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Right now, though... Isn't that exactly the kind of thing that forms the very basis of his own deepest regret?
He brushes past that attempt to change the subject, fixing Kazuma with a surprisingly stern look despite his weakened condition.]
Kazuma... I know you must have been worried about me, but. I'm not going anywhere.
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It's still surprisingly hard to get the words out.]
...You almost did.
[His hands are clasped together so tightly they're trembling, the knuckles white. He can barely hear his own voice, he's speaking so quietly.]
What if it's worse the next time? What if I'm not there? I can't... [He trails off, unable to finish the sentence, the feeling he wants to express still too much, too raw. But the unspoken sentiment completes in his own head: I can't lose you. Ryunosuke has survived Kazuma's own death, but he's not at all sure the reverse would be true.]
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Eventually, he settles back into that same stern expression as before, unconsciously balling his fists up and clenching lightly at the bedsheets.]
...If that's really how you feel, then you already understand why I can't just leave. [There's a bit of an edge to his voice now.] Unless you really expect me to just go home and live plagued by those same exact worries?
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As much as he wishes he could, he can't force Ryunosuke to go back.]
No. I suppose I can't.
[He imagines what would happen if Ryunosuke truly were to die, and the horror nearly steals the breath from his lungs. Is that how Ryunosuke had felt for the nine months Kazuma had been presumed dead? It's what drives him to ask the next question, even as he knows there's every chance it will only make Ryunosuke angry.]
...Am I the reason you're staying?
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Ryunosuke doesn't want to be mad at him anyway, considering he can imagine all too clearly how worried his friend must have been. He always tries to be humble, and is careful never to overestimate his own importance in most situations, but... Even he can't fool himself into thinking that Kazuma wouldn't be greatly effected by his getting hurt. Hell, he remembers all too clearly how horribly he'd felt when Mr Sholmes had been attacked; Kazuma must have been completely beside himself, by comparison.
He sighs, huffing out some of his lingering irritation. He's still feeling prickly, but it's a bit easier to set aside now.]
...I won't deny that you and Professor Mikotoba both have been the primary reason for my staying here as long as I have. But after this most recent mission...?
[He shakes his head lightly, appearing less than certain.]
I don't know... I. I need to think for a bit, but... It does make more sense to me now. Why it is that these orbs need to be found, and contained.
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Kazuma lets out a slow breath. Ryunosuke is living by his principles as always, and Kazuma would never fault him that, but the fact remains that Kazuma is the reason Ryunosuke stayed here long enough to be hurt. Of course he is.]
Then... I'm sorry. For dragging you into a mess once again.
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He already knows what Kazuma is probably going to say, and he doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't want to hear him talking as if this was somehow his responsibility... As if Ryunosuke hadn't made his own decisions, each of which had carried him right to that moment, to that snap decision made out on the battlefield.
Instead of interrupting, he lets Kazuma get through his piece. And then he exhales, trying to breathe through some of his frustration.]
Kazuma. I'm not about to accept an apology for a choice that I made entirely on my own.
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B-But--if I'd just returned with you when you brought it up the first time, then--
[Then none of this would have happened, of course.]
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He shakes his head and cuts in right where Kazuma left off, filling in the unspoken meaning for himself:]
It doesn't matter. Kazuma, reflecting on what one could have or should have done differently isn't an inherently poor use of time, but if you're only going to use it as a means of self-flagellation, then... Well, it's really no better than taking poison! You're only harming yourself thinking that way, and I'm not going to be party to it!
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More to the point: for better or worse, all three of us made the choice to stay. I made my own choice to stay. I don't need or want an apology for that.
this tag is just the mental equivalent of him sliding to the floor going UUUUGGGHHHHH
Is that what I'm doing? ...I suppose it is.
[He says it as if to himself, almost with a smile in his voice. What would he do without Ryunosuke around to give him a reality check? It feels lately like all his inclinations are faulty.
He's tired of always messing up.
Is there a way to say that that won't make Ryunosuke more disappointed in him somehow? He doesn't know what to do. It seems he doesn't even know how to fix himself without help.]
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Like always, he's still watching Kazuma closely while he reacts. Ryunosuke can usually pick up on the discord in his friend's heart without needing him to put it all to precise words... But it also doesn't take an emotional genius to figure out that continuing to harp on the point right now would just be kicking the man while he's down.]
...Just a bit, yes.
[there's a slight teasing cadence to those words and the ones yet to come, a bit of playful sarcasm to ease the tension.]
And yet, incredibly, I remain glad that you're the person who was here waiting for me when I woke up.
[Kazuma may keep making mistakes, but he is at least hearing Ryunosuke out. He's still making an effort.
As long as he keeps doing that, Ryunosuke could never be truly disappointed in him.]
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He knows it isn't fair to either of them to think he doesn't deserve Ryunosuke's forgiveness, but he remains endlessly grateful to have it.
Kazuma doesn't truly have anything to say in response; instead, in an echo of a past conversation of this kind, he moves his hand next to Ryunosuke's--not close enough to touch, but close enough to be an offer. To comfort him in kind is the least he can do.]
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It's just a normal clasp. He doesn't thread his fingers into Kazuma's, or anything like that... But he takes up his friend's hand, and he squeezes it lightly, radiating solidarity and comfort through the gesture.]
I know you must have been worried... I will try to be more careful from now on. Alright?
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What would Ryunosuke do if Kazuma were to lean in and kiss him right now?
For a single, blinding, impulsive moment, he almost does it. He can almost imagine the way Ryunosuke might even reciprocate--because Kazuma might be an idiot sometimes but he isn't insane, he's sure there's something there--he can picture Ryunosuke jerking away in surprise, then blushing, then maybe a slow smile spreading across his face as he realizes what Kazuma means. Or maybe he'd surprise Kazuma with his perception as he always does and realize immediately and kiss him back.
Or maybe Kazuma is wrong yet again, and Ryunosuke would only squawk in confusion and disgust, the moment ruined. Or worse: maybe he would get angry that Kazuma would choose to do this at such an inappropriate moment. Kazuma can all too easily imagine that too. And so he stays where he is, and does nothing.
But he finds he cannot simply sit and stew in these feelings as they are, either, and so he attempts to express them a different way. Even if it feels like a similarly sensitive topic.]
I don't think I had truly realized it before, but. [He swallows.] Is this... what it felt like? When you thought I was dead?
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But as things stand, he's exhausted, and when the moment happens, he's busy settling back on his pillows, eyes closed as he feels out a comfier resting position.
His hand is still in Kazuma's though, and it stills eerily, before squeezing a little tighter at the question.]
...Probably, [he laughs, a little uncertainly. He's not opposed to discussing this; they probably need to. And any moment of vulnerability from Kazuma where he isn't being irritatingly hypocritical (see above), should probably be capitalized on. But... Ryunosuke also isn't sure how to answer that honestly.] Similar, at least.
With that, I... Didn't even have the chance to be terrified for you. By the time I woke up, you were already gone... In multiple senses of the word.
['Gone' as in his life was already extinguished, but also he was literally gone. Only an outline on the floor to indicate where the body had been. Ryunosuke glances away, grimacing at the memory of it.]
To be honest, more than anything else? At least at first, what I felt was just. Angry...
[Angry at whoever had really done it. It had helped drive him, to insist upon investigating. He'd wanted to find the true perpetrator, and see that they paid for what they did. And then, after the truth of the incident came out? He was angry at everything. Angry at the gods for letting it happen, angry at himself for letting it happen... Angry over how it was all such a tragic, pointless waste...]
Angry and then... Hollow. Like a part of my soul had been scooped out.
[...Ah. And just now, something clicks into place.]
...I was being selfish, when I threw you aside during that fight. [Back on Aldyhion.] Selfish and cowardly; it happened so fast, but I remember thinking that I just couldn't do that again...
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